FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE!!!!!!!

August 4, 3009 – Los Angeles, Ca – Heidi Martinuzzi, sometime low-budget B-movie actress and horror writer, has officially signed on to star in a new Master’s Degree program for Journalism at a California University.

“I’m really excited,” says Martinuzzi. “I was kinda nervous that I wasn’t gonna get in, on account of all the crap floating around about me on the Interweb.”

Despite various ‘negative’ forms of attention, including nude pictures, terrible film trailers, and an often misunderstood sense of humor mistaken for apathy or at times, racism, Martinuzzi has managed to impress the faculty to a point that gained her entrance to their program.

“Heidi’s pictures are a disgrace,” says her mother. “Its no wonder she hasn’t been able to get a decent job and has to go back to school for two more years to waste money. Anyone who uses the AOL to search her will find these terrible things about her. Its such a shame. My German friends are all talking about it at our cake meetings every month.”

Adds her sister, “I don’t know why she’s going back to school. Who needs it? Look at me, I don’t have a master’s and I have my own business selling barbie doll hair-re root kits over the Internet. It’s awesome!”

Her sister added that Heidi is also lazy and disappointing, even though Heidi comes over to take care of her horde of animals, which include two dogs, 4 cats, at least 6 illegal and exotic axolotl salamanders which need to be hand-fed every day with either raw meat or goddamn blood worms, when her sister is in Colorado with her felonious husband who is not allowed to leave the state due to parole difficulties.

Heidi defends herself by simply saying,”All those pictures are ‘art’, and I just don’t understand why most people can’t take a joke.”

Author/Film Critic/TV Personality Joe Bob Briggs says he is ‘elated’ at the news, and can’t believe that Heidi will finally be writing about something other than crappy movies and why her life sucks so much.

“She’s really smart, but she’s never had an opportunity to write about anything important before. Maybe this is her one chance to remove herself from the unwashed masses.”

In his letter of recommendation to the university, Joe Bob called Heidi ‘intelligent’, ‘highly-skilled’, and ’super-hot’. He believes it was the ’super-hot’ that got her in, and urges her to not slack on going to the gym lest the university be disappointed in her physique when she arrives for classes in Fall.

Heidi plans to focus her studies on the phenomenon of Internet Marketing and Online Journalism, and how the combination creates media whores and ‘journalist’ pseudo celebrities. She will also focus on the death of ‘real’ paid journalism and their replacement by crappy unpaid blogging jobs.

Heidi is currently making a documentary feature film about women married to men who make horror movies for a living, and considers it a ‘journalism’ project instead of entertainment, so doesn’t care if it ends up being boring because it will have ‘class’.

“This is exciting,” Martinuzzi wants the world to know. “I’m so ready to start working with these people at that school, and I’m going to be the most awesome student ever, even though I hated being an undergrad because I thought school sucked.”

Heidi’s post-graduate plans include getting a job, finally, that pays more than a job she could have gotten without ever going to college.

School begins Fall 2009 and should continue straight through without any fucking breaks until June 2011.